Status Level Announcements
Before Judgement Day Awareness (BJDA)
Spargon Dimensional Level One (Neon Fuchsia)
Sadly, due to the Oracle’s special spying task he gave Neon Fuchsia members last week to prove their loyalty to the Brethren, there will be no announcements for the foreseeable future for level one recruits, due to them all identifying each other as negative oppositionals.
On a brighter note, we have decided to give Brother Malcolm a reprieve after he was also identified as a NO by one of the plucky young recruits; his signature dish of tadpole stir fry is ghastly, but that does not necessarily mean he is an enemy of the people, just the enemy of our taste buds.
Spargon Dimensional Level Two (Saffron)
Further disappointment for Saffron members after last month’s planned recruitment drive during the recent riots backfired. Our Level Two brothers and sisters, who were dispatched to calm the rabble through the special massage technique of ‘The Touch Of The Oracle’ have been abducted to the hospitals of the NO’s, after being trampled and kicked in their enlightened faces. The rest of our Saffron Brethren have been wrongly imprisoned for inciting the riots through molestation of the perpetrators.
However all of our Level Two Brethren are all being looked out for by our dear Oracle who sacrificed himself by deliberately getting locked up after pretending to loot a 42 widescreen television and a crate of cheap scrumpy. Likewise, good fortune has shone on our injured brethren as our dear accident prone Brother Marvin has found himself in intensive care after repeatedly walking into Brother Matthew’s fist.
Spargon Dimensional Level Three (Aurelian)
As all our Aurelian Brethren do not have any Neon-Fuchsia or Saffron to buddy for the interim, all of our Level Three brothers and (mostly) sisters will be engaged in an exciting new recruitment programme, Spreading Love Until Tomorrow Shines.
Spargon Dimensional Level Four (Cadmium)
Spargon Dimensional Level Five (Drab)
Hello Brother Malcolm, shouldn’t you be getting the dinner on?
Spargon Dimensional Level Six (Umber)
Spargon Dimensional Level Seven (Myrtle)
(95 Days Until Judgement Day)
Spargon Dimensional Level One (Neon Fuchsia)
After a busy week of chanting and massage, it was all ended with a special Thought Share session with Sister Ruth, where she had the crowd in stitches as she related anecdotes from her time as Head Thought Share Facilitator and charmed them all like a normal human being.
Spargon Dimensional Level Two (Saffron)
No update really, just that you shouldn’t be reading this if you’re supposed to be building.
Spargon Dimensional Level Three (Aurelian)
And the same goes for you lot too.
Spargon Dimensional Level Four (Cadmium)
It’s a waste of effort really. The rebuild is more important than anything I could possibly write. I mean, even if I discovered the meaning of life, the cure for cancer and the end to world poverty and I was announcing this to you, Spargon Level Cadmium, you should be saying, ‘that’s all very good and well but I’m busy building this wall at the moment’.
Spargon Dimensional Level Five (Drab)
Okay, you get a pass Brother Malcolm, but that’s only for the calories that our builders manage to keep down.
Spargon Dimensional Level Six (Umber)
As we have recently lost a few members to the negative oppositionals, the Oracle has decreed that he would telepathically test a few random Cadmium members while they worked. And we are pleased to announce that Sister Daisy, Sister Susan, Sister Violet and Sister Fiona have been accepted into Spargon Dimensional Level Umber. Their promotion is greatly welcomed as when members are elevated to Umber they can automatically gain great unknown talents, such as printing.
Status Level Announcement (Undated)
Congratulations to our very own Brother Malcolm who has finally been promoted to Spargon Dimensional Level Umber, leaving Level Drab empty for any future misfit Brethren to be sent to. Brother Malcolm achieved his long awaited goal after he started having regular showers shortly before 01/07/17. The rest of Level Umber welcome him with open arms. Well, not open arms really, as he’s still not mastered the art of deodorising. But in the same room though. As his duties in Level Umber mean that he can no longer be the Brethren ‘cook’, this also means congratulations to the rest of us. As Brother Bernard is a celebrated chef in his occupation, he has swapped his Brethren duties of cleaning Brother Matthew’s ball sack to taking over in the kitchen. So no more Toad Soufflé or Rat Flapjacks. Or sudden, aggressive diarrhoea for that matter.
